The Swan Song

Sad to see her go, but I’m not here to be selfish. Take advantage of what she did share with us. I’m grateful for what she shared with us. We’ll miss you Jen!

Sips of Jen and Tonic

This post started out as an explanation of why I broke up with Facebook. As I was working my way through the original draft, it became clear to me that there are other chapters in my life I need to close as well.

I’ve dabbled in writing my entire life, but it wasn’t until early 2007 that I began trying to put my work out there for others to read. I joined a “citizen newspaper” online which allowed me to connect with other amateur writers, and publish content which didn’t fit into other sites I had previously joined.

I strayed from writing after a couple of years due to personal issues, but found my way back a few years later. Unfortunately, the site was sold during the time I had been away, and was no longer a hospitable environment. I needed a new place to hang my hat which is…

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A Girl Being One of the Boys

I’ve never been one for the feminist movement. I hate women that don’t wear bras or deodorant. Ladies, please help us out. Handle your “Cha Cha’s” and keep me from barfing from your stench, Please!!! Anyway, when I was in college I decided to join a women’s organization just to meet people, mingle and put something on my resume that said, “Yup! This chick has leadership skills!”

This women’s organization had local leadership functions one year and I told me friends I’d go after they pleaded. What can I say; I’ve always been a leader. We show up to this small event and it couldn’t have been a bigger let down. The workshop list included, “Power hairstyles”, and Ice cream socials. I thought, “Damn, this is pathetic! Really? Your hair is going to help you move up in the corporate world”. Luckily, that was in the 90’s and ohh, how things have changed since then. But because of the 90’s, we have all these sexual harassment laws that can help us and hurt us.

Today, in order to get in with the boys, you have to play like one of the boys. That’s how I developed my thick skin. Yup, ladies, if you are a pricy little girl that get’s butt hurt, you need to go play in the sand box. Today, the guys will test you to see how far they can get. Not necessary in a sexual way, but in a “Let’s see how much we can pick on her before she breaks!” If you pass the test, you will move up in the corporate world, which is what I call the “The Little Boys Club!”

Now, I know what you are thinking, “Where does this chick work?” We’ll, I’m a jack of all trades that works with a bunch of men that are not necessarily within my company. They are definitely older me and I’m pretty sure they were never forced to participate in sensitivity training unless there was an incident report written up against them.

Well, ladies (and gents, if you chose to read his junk I’m literally pulling out of my crack) I have to say that I have survived without having to fill out a “hurt feelings report (Pictured below) and to do that, I had to be “One of the Guys”.

So, “How did I get in the Boy’s Club?” you ask? Well, it took years, but I got in. The eight steps below will help you be a team player and part of the club.

  1. Brush things off.
    My cousin always told me, “The one that gets angry first, always loses”! So, always keep your cool and if you have a quick quip, let them have it.
  2. Laugh if you think it’s funny.
    Let’s face it; sex jokes are usually funny if there is no intent behind them. So, if some guy is asking, where Joe is and Jim’s response is, “Probably inside his wife!” You better laugh, because that’s freaken hilarious, probably true, and there was no ill intent against you.
  3. Go out with the lunch/dinner crew.
    I know a hefty quarter pounder with cheese isn’t the best thing to eat sometimes, but to be one of the boys you have to show that you can eat like one too. Not all the time, but every now and again. Maybe have some wings and beer for Monday night football.
  4. Keep your business private.
    Avoid talking about your relationships. Though most of these guys are married or have been married at one point, the last thing they want to hear is your business. Sorry ladies, as a woman you are automatically the cause of the problem. Just keep it to yourself altogether.
  5. Be prepared to go through some hazing.
    This varies with all groups. It will mostly be jokes about your performance at work. Just do a good job and you will stay in the clear, however, you will need to be in the “Prospect” group before you can participate in heckling.
  6. Deck the halls and deck them in the balls!!
    Make it known that if someone tries to touch you inappropriately, you will take action. Let them know where you stand. Hands off my temple, Asshole!!!
  7. Walk the walk, if you are going to Talk the Talk.
    Don’t talk or even worse interrupt someone when they are talking about Sports. Jeez, if you are going to comment, you better know your stats to back it up.
  8. Don’t Dress like a hooker!
    Let’s face it, a guy thinks with his other head and once you look like a hooker your name in his head will be, “Blowjob Betty”, or “Tina the Sperm Cleaner”. Keep it classy my ladies!

Breaking News:
Just as I was typing this one of the guys is being heckled for being groped by the most hated person in the building. He got peck groped. Poor guy! He looks like a 12 year old, and he feels like … hey, a woman that was sexually harassed!! I
t’s OK, we know how you feel. We are now just taking bets on when he will give you a nice, “Way to go team!” pat on the ass.

Back to #8.
Don’t be a Skanky Ho!
You’ll lose all street cred and will never be able to get in the club. You’re better off changing jobs at that point. Ohh, and the girls in the “Little Boy’s Club” will be trying to hunt you down and know you of your stupid high whore horse. We don’t play nice!

This is all I have learned in my 10 plus years working in a male dominated field. If you have any comments/additional information that the world should know, please make it known.

My First Blog May Be My Last

I fumbled upon the blog world a couple of weeks ago. I remember this was VERY popular thing to do a couple years ago. Given my newly found love for boredom this week, I read a couple of blogs. Though some were beyond great, like Sips of Jen and Tonic , there were others that were just blah with mediocre content. People, that’s what I call trying too hard. For those of you that have the talent nurture it and it will give you a direction. Real blogging is a method of expression, and when you add a little bit of literary talent and personality, you end up creating something worth reading.

I love people that have talent and put it all out there for the world to read.

So why am I here? Shit, realistically have nothing else to do sometimes and I need a good laugh.

What to expect?

Not much. I’m just a regular person with a nine-to-five job. OK, some people call it a career. But none the less, it’s something that pays the bills. So, let’s just say I have a day job and I’m not going to sit here and blog my ass off with random shit. The last thing I want to do is put too much out there like a Facebook attention whore that tells you everything they are doing 24/7. Yeah, you know who you are! I care not to hear if you had a good bowel movement today. I’d much rather read quality vice quantity.

Who am I?

Someone with an opinion that’s for damn sure. I know what you’re thinking, “Opinions are like assholes…everyone has one!” However, my opinions are usually derived from quantitative data. Yes, I’m a nerd and proud of it. I’m not a Dweeb, Geek or a Weirdo. I don’t like Starwars or playing the World of Warcraft. (OK, I’m guilty of the Warcraft thing, but that was a phase in college. I straightened myself up, smacked myself in the face and moved on.) The Ork are Approaching!

What should you expect?

Honestly, I have nothing. I’m lucky if I have a follower, especially since I probably pissed off the entire “Blog Mafia” with a comment I made. I have probably been 86th by them, but they can kiss the fattest part of my ass because I don’t live to impress them. Should I have something important to say, I’ll make sure to let you know. Who knows, I may decide to make a regular entry here and there. One thing is for sure; I’ll NEVER make anything up or try to be someone I’m not.

If you are cool with that, or even if you are not, feel free to leave a comment. I PROBABLY won’t bite.

Blog Mafia … This one’s for you!